nepali jokes in english

Feri Chat Suru Bhayo :
...
Keti : timi drinks and smoke garchau
ki nai ???
Keta : nai ma ta kehi pani khadina ...
...
Keti : toit aajkal ko keta bhayera pani
nakhane ...
moh ta wild khaidinchu ta ... ali ali ta
khanu
parcha ni ... malai ta ali ali khane
manche man
parcha timi jasto suddha keta man
pardaina ...
sorry ...
BLOCKED ...
...
aarko keti : timi drinks and smoke
garchau ki
gardainau ?
Keta : aah garchu ... ali ali matrai ...
keti : chiiiii !!! malia ta yasto kei
khane manche
man pardaina ... sorry i don't like
you ...
BLOCKED ...
...
Mother of God ...
...
Hami Keta harulai kehi gare pani
sukha chaina
baaaa ...

return my 30 rupees

===============================================================
Kiran wins 50 lakh by drinking coke of Rs 30. the dealer gave him 25 lakh after deducting tax and other expenses. Angry kiran: Give me 50 lakh or else return my 30 rupeese back!

                           Niran propose a girl

=========================================

Niran proposed a Girl

the girl says i am 1year elder that you 

Niran says: No problem Maiya. i will marry you next year   

meter made in "NEPAL"

there was a japanese tourist came to Nepal for visiting.on the last day. he hired taxi and told driver to take him airport. while going to airport a Toyota car passed the taxi with speed. the japanese said look toyota very fast! made in japan
again after some time a Honda bike with speed passed the taxi and again the japanese tourist says look Honda very fast! made in japan!





for third time Mitsubishi  passed the car with speed and again the japanese leaned out of the window and yelled, "Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in japan!" the driver get so angry but he kept quite finally they came to airport and the taxi charge was Rs.1000
What?? the japanese exclaimed... so expensive!
The driver yelled back to the meter and said Meter, made in Nepal very very very fast!!!
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = ==  = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = 

kiran funny jokes

teacher :who was birbal?
Student:  thaha chaina sir
sir:    ta Bajya lai padai ma dhyan bhaye po thaha huncha?                
Studen  t:who were milan, anil, sanjay ?                                            
Sir:      k thaha?
Student     :afnu chori ma dhayan bhaye bho thaha huncha?



==================================================================


Kiran : how many apples can u.eat in
empty stomach?
Girl: i can eat 7 aples.
kiran:no u can eat only 1 apple in
empty stomach coz when.u eat
2nd apple thats not in empty
stomach.
Girl: wow supper joke i'll tell my
friends
Girl to other girl:. How many apple
can u eat in empty stomach?
Other girl: i can eat 10.
Girl: haaaree..... 7bhaneko
bhaye.euta dami joke bhanthe.

================================================================

british : you  Nepales are  differ in colors,

look we are  all white..?

Nepalese Reply : Horses are  in different

colors

but

donkeys are  all the same.!

==============================================================

kiran asked to niran : Which Comes First ? Sun Or

Moon ?

Niran:  Firstly Moon Then Sun

kiran : how? and why?

.

.

.

.

Niran  : Son comes only after

Honeymoon 

hamro samaj

English Teacher

====================================================================
kiran recently join the new school and in the first day. english teacher asked him
What does your father do?
kiran: whatever my mom says



                                 abcdefg
====================================================================

kiran:sir i need to go to bathroom
Teacher: first say about A B C D's then only
kiran: A B C D E F G H I J  K L M N O    Q R S T U  V W X Y Z
Teacher: hmmm you forget the P
kiran: no sir i didn't it's running down my leg


                                         ATM password
====================================================================

Niran was drawing money from Nepal Bank by  ATM, Kiran behind him said Ha! Ha! Haaa! i've seen your password
Its 4 asterisks( **** )
thenNiran replied Ha! Ha! Haaa! you are wrong Its "9849"

                                            PUPPY
==========================================================
kiran was the class teacher of the kindergarden. at the end  of the school year,the pupils used togive gift to teacher so, at first florist's daughter handed a gift, he shook it held it overhead and said.i know what is it. it's flower right. girl said that's right.

the next pupil was candy shop owner's son, kiran held his gift overhead, shook it and said.i know what is it, its a box of sweet. yes sir said pupil. but how do you know teacher, "oh just a wild guess"

the next gift was from the son of the liquor store owner. kiran held the packet overhead, but it was leaking, he touched a drop of the leakage in the finger and touched to her tongue. it's a wine he said. the pupil said no no sir. again kiran taking large drop of leakage to the tongue and said it's a champange? pupil said no. kiran takes one more drops before declaring, "i give up" what is it?   with the great glee, the boy replied " it's a PUPPY"

                                       How to write 99
===============================================================

kiran: niran write 99
Niran: how?
kiran: write 9 and another 9 beside it.
niran write 9 and stopped
kiran: what are you waiting for
niran: i don't know which side to write another 9





                                          Three turtle 
==============================================================
Three turtle decided to go to picnic. they manages every thing and start their journey.and when they reched the picnic spot they realise that they have forgotten the soda.the oldest turtle said who would go to home and brought soda. the young one said i will go if you all didn't eat the sandwiches until i got back. the youngest turtle goes but a week went by, then a month, finally a year, when two turtle said "oh, come on let's eat the sandwiches, now he won't come". suddenly the little turtle popped up from the rock and said, " if you do, i won't go!"

                                           Guess
===============================================================

niran: can you guess how many coins do i have?
kiran: if i guess right then will you give me one of them?
niran: if you guess right, i will give you both of them


                                        Home work
==============================================================

math teacher: kiran did you make this homework by yourself or your dad help you to make this

kiran: no sir he did it all by himself.

school interview

                       school interview
================================
kiran was very smart and he solve all the question in the written test so he was called for the interview. later as the interview progressed they found kiran to be bright since he answered all question correctly

the interviewer lastly give him to chose a question :
"i shall either ask you 10 easy question or 1 real difficult problem. think well before you make up your mind"



kiran thought for a while and said "My choice is 1 real difficult question."
well good luck you made your own choice. the interviewer asks: "what comes first, Day or Night?"

kiran thinks for a second and said Day
how????????? the interviewer ask
kiran: sir you have promissed to ask me only one difficult problem so i did it not next now

kiran's answer

================================================================
kiran was coping the answer of niran and the answer to the problem was "log(1+x)" so kiran didn't want to make it obvious like that because teacher will think that he had cheated so he changed the answer like  "timber(1+x)"

          young couple

================================================================
young couples were going to country side not saying a word
mean while they were passing a barnyard of mules and pigs. husband sarcastically asked "are they your relatives"
"yes," his wife replied. "i married into the family"

Best Funny Countries Full forms

NEPAL-Never End Peace And Love  
           - Never Electricity product and Loadsheeding always
INDIA- I Nearly Died In Adoration.
BURMA-  Between Us, Remember Me Always.
KOREA- Keep Optimistic Regardless of Every Adversity.
EGYPT-  Everything's Great, You Pretty Thing!
THAILAND- Totally Happy. Always In Love And Never Dull
PERU- Phorget Everyone... Remember Us.
KENYA- Keep Everything Nice, Yet Arousing
FRANCE- Friendships Remain And Never Can End.
LIBYA- Love Is Beautiful; You Also.    
HOLLAND- Hope Our Love Lasts And Never Dies
ITALY- I Trust And Love You.
CHINA- Come Here.. I Need Affection.
JAPAN = "Jumping And Pumping At Night"

Pappu ne FM Radio pe phone kiya aur kaha : Mujhe S.V. Road pe ek Purse mila hai jisme 15000 cash. . .ek Credit Card aur nilkanth patil ke naam ka ID mila hai… Radio Jockey : Wah… Aap kitne imaandaar hain… Kya aap unhe wo purse waapis karna chahenge. . ??? Pappu : Nahi… Main chahta hu ki nilkanth patil ke liye ek SAD SONG bajaya jaaye…

joke

Pappu ne FM Radio pe phone kiya aur kaha : Mujhe S.V. Road pe ek Purse mila hai jisme 15000 cash. . .ek Credit Card aur nilkanth patil ke naam ka ID mila hai… Radio Jockey : Wah… Aap kitne imaandaar hain… Kya aap unhe wo purse waapis karna chahenge. . ??? Pappu : Nahi… Main chahta hu ki nilkanth patil ke liye ek SAD SONG bajaya jaaye…

Mommy Test

My four-year-old daughter and I were taking a walk when she picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I asked her not to and she asked me "Why?"

"Because, Honey, it's been laying outside on the ground and is dirty and has germs on it."

She looked at me in amazement and asked, "Wow, how do you know all that stuff?"

Thinking quickly, I said, "Because it's on the Mommy Test. You have to know this stuff or you can't be a mommy."

She pondered that information for a minute or two, and said, "Oh, I get it! If you flunk you have to be the daddy!"

A Helpful Friend

Lewis had a crush on a beautiful girl. Unknown to Lewis, his friend Johnny also liked the girl and was upset that Lewis was able to talk to her and get to know her so easily. Lewis finally decided he would make a bold move. He told the girl that for her 21st birthday he would send her a red rose for each year. He thought that it would really impress the girl and win her heart to him.

After Lewis ordered the flowers, Johnny stopped by the flower shop and told the florist he wanted to increase the order by another dozen flowers for his friend.

Lewis never did find out what made the beautiful girl so angry that she would not speak to him.

Blog Comment Chain World Record Attempt

Well this may sound a bit weird but you should checkout what the people at PayPerPost Blog came up with. They are trying to get people to post comments on a blog post to create a place in the Guinness World Records for the longest blog comment chain ever! They are aiming for a minimum of 2,000 "unique human generated comments of 25 words or more each generated within 1 week of the original post."

Of course there are some rules set for the comments record to be valid. The author cannot contribute more than 10 percent of total posts. Each participant has to write a comment having a minimum of 25 words and also, the commenter has to comment within 1 week of the original post.

Well I would be very much interested to see how far this goes because this is being done for the first time in the internet's history. Have you ever heard of this type of a record being set in the Guinness World Records? At least that's not the case with me. If you have heard about anything like this please comment here so that I can know about it. Also please mention if it was official or not.

Jonah in Heaven or Hell

A young girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher told her that it was impossible for a whale to swallow a human because whales have a very small throat for such a huge mammal. The young girl reminded her teacher that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher again stated that a whale could not swallow a man.

The young girl then said, "Well, when I get to heaven, I will ask Jonah."

With that the teacher stated, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

"Well," the little girl replied, "then you can ask him."

To Be 6 Again

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd like to be six again, " she replied.

On the morning of her birthday, he got up early, made her a big bowl of Lucky Charms and then took her to the local theme park. He put her on every ride in the park.

Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.

They went to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake. Then he took her to a movie, bought her a hot-dog, popcorn, a soda, and her favorite candy. What a fabulous adventure!

Finally, she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed, exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, "Well, Dear, what was it like being six again?"

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. "You idiot, I meant my dress size!"

A Perfect Golf Shot

Bob stood over his tee on the 450-yard 18th hole for what seemed like an eternity. He shifted on his feet, looked up, looked down, shifted again, but didn't start his swing. Finally his exasperated partner asked, "What is taking so long?"

"My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse," Bob explained. "I want to make a perfect shot."

"Good grief!" his companion explained. "You don't have a snow ball's chance in hell of hitting her from here."

Where Am I?

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how he had done it.

"I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a Technically correct but completely useless answer."

A Lawyer named Strange

A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer."

The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone.

However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer.

"That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: "That's Strange!"

Sales Lead Management

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Dedication to One's Work

This is what u call dedication to one's work...

God Loves Blondes

A blonde finds herself in serious trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in dire financial straits. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray..."God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the Lotto."

Lotto night comes, and somebody else wins it. She again prays..."God, please let me win the Lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."

Lotto night comes and she still has no luck. Once again, she prays..."My God, why have You forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask You for help, and I have always been a good servant to You. PLEASE let me win the Lotto just this one time so I can get my life back in order."

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open. The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God Himself..."Sweetheart, work with Me on this... Buy a ticket"

Drug Addiction Treatment

Drug rehab is a very long process for every Drug Addicted person. It is almost a no-win situation if not taken care of properly. But the people at Stone Hawk are just the right people who can deal with people looking for alcoholism treatment. They have many addiction treatment programs available to help make recovery attainable and sustainable. The long climb from the bottom can be a hard try, but Stone Hawk programs can help a person a lot and make the people realize the benefits of living a healthy drug-free life. They have even gathered articles on addiction recovery to help you friend and family understand the recovery process.

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The Rabbit and the Butcher

A rabbit hops into a butchers' shop and says "have you got any cabbages?"

The butcher says that he doesn't sell cabbages and the rabbit hops off. The next day the same rabbit hops into the same butchers and says, "have you got any cabbages?"

The butcher, getting annoyed, says "look I told you yesterday - I'm a butcher, I don't sell cabbages, now go away!"

The rabbit hops off. But the next day it hops into the butchers again and again asks "have you got any cabbages?"

The butcher, really annoyed now, snaps "No I haven't got any damn cabbages! If you come in here again asking for cabbages I'm will nail your ears to the floor!"

The rabbit is scared by this and quickly hops out the door.

The next day it hops into the butchers and asks "have you got any nails?"

The butcher replies angrily, "NO"
"Okay," says the rabbit with a grin, "what about cabbages?"

True Definition of Globalization

Question: What is the true definition of Globalization?

Answer: Princess Diana's death.

Question: How come?

Answer: An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel, driving a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whisky, followed closely by Italian Paparazzi, on Japanese motorcycles, treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicines. This message is sent to you using Bill Gates's technology, and you're probably reading this on your computer, that use Chinese chips, and a Korean monitor, assembled by Bangladeshi workers in a Singapore plant, transported by Pakistani lorry-drivers, hijacked by Indonesians, unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen, and trucked to you by Mexican illegal.....

That, my friend, is Globalization!

Why Lawyers should never ask a question

why lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand - a grandmotherly, elderly woman.

He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Kapoon, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Franklin. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie; you cheat on your wife, You manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes I know you."

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Kapoon, do you know the defense lawyer?"

She again replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr.Shalon since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. Yes, I know him."

The defense lawyer almost died!

At this point, the judge brought the courtroom to silence, called both Lawyers to the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you foolish asks her if she knows me, you'll be jailed for contempt of court."

Call for Annie Wan

Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan ?
Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!
Operator: Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone. You can speak to me. Who is this?

Caller: I'm Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.
Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?

Caller: Well… just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.
Operator: Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!
Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?

Operator: I'm Saw Ree.
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!
Operator: That's what I said. I'm Saw Ree…
Caller: Oh… God!!

Patient Enquiry

A sweet grandmother telephoned Mount Sinai Hospital. She timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?"

The operator replied, "I'll be glad to help, Dear. What's the name and room number?"

The grandmother in her weak tremulous voice said, "Holly Finkel in room 302."

The Operator replied, "Let me check. Oh, good news. Her records say that Holly is doing very well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back as normal and her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged on Tuesday."

The Grandmother said, "Thank you. That's wonderful! I was so worried! God bless you for the good news."

The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Holly your daughter?"

The Grandmother said, "No, I'm Holly Finkel in 302. Dr.Cohen doesn't tell me anything!"

Religious Horse

A missionary in the desert finds a lost man and takes him to his house where he nurses him back to health. When the man is feeling better, he asks the missionary if he could borrow his horse to ride into town.

The missionary replies, "Yes, but this is a special horse. You have to say 'Thank God' to make it go, and 'Amen' to make it stop."

Not paying much attention, the man acknowledges his understanding.

The man mounts the horse and says, "Thank God." The horse starts walking. Then he says, "Thank God, thank God," and the horse starts trotting. Feeling really brave, the man says, "Thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God," and the horse starts running full speed. Soon the man sees a cliff coming up and he tries to stop the horse. He hollers everything he can think of, such as "Whoa, stop," etc. Nothing works.

Finally he remembers what the missionary said and hollers, "Amen!!"

The horse stops inches from the cliff. Then the man leans back in the saddle, wipes his brow, and says, "Thank God."